Shifting my gaze

Why is that so much is expected from a woman, and yet she does not express? And if by any miracles she expresses, it takes people aback. Why is it difficult to understand that she might get fed up with many expectations of being an 'ideal' daughter, mother and wife, and lately combined role of breadwinner as well. Why is that resilience, patience, and care is valued so much from women that they suffer in silence thinking that it is the 'right' way of being a woman. As a woman pursuing PhD, I have been asking where do I stand, what are my refined and re-learned values as a person, not a woman. Lately, I have discovered I want to break free from my responsibilities, and zillions of expectations to look after my house, children, parents, partner, social engagement, job, etc. And where does my dream count? Not every woman, particularly at this era, want to marry and feel a 'complete' woman after birthing their children. Complete is absolutely relative term. Will someone feel complete washing dirty dishes of every members of the family all day through her life? Does someone want to cook and clean all through their life? Is it too much to expect support from family at this instance? Honestly, I have changes my perspective of ideal woman. Previously, I was compliant, and many times such socialisation didn't bother me but lately I am changing, thanks to my research, conversation at university, and more of my self-reflection (so should family and society).

These days, I want to break free; I want to get mad (at myself, at my so-called well-wisher society, at my confining mindset); I want to scream; I want to get angry; I want to lose my shit! And most importantly, I want others to take this normally. I also want to travel extensively, see people and their perspective, wander aimlessly, disappear for few months on purpose. I want people to realise and internalise the suppressed screams and bottled-up feelings. As a woman, you are supposed to be calm and composed, and I ask why? Just because you are a woman? What hogwash! I was born with the same feelings and emotions as my brother, and yet I am not supposed to dream alike? Raise my voice for the things that matters to me when I am able to decide! I ask people to let me speak for myself. I am not a child anymore, and please listen and understand where I am coming from. Keep your horizons broad and clear, and respect my perspective. Is this too much to ask for?

451° F

My biggest fear would be someone coming into my house and burn the very limited but selected collection of books I have. That would be my worst imaginable nightmare. Ray Bradbury's dystopian novel Fahrenheit 451 made me realize the future he predicted can come true very soon. Fireman, Guy Montag, lives in a world where technology has taken over human interactions, the small but meaningful everyday chats, the unadulterated laughter, and sharing one's perception has been long forgotten. People don't go discussing books, literature, philosophical whims, and arguments. In fact, collecting or reading books is beyond one's dream, and if someone is found to have any of them then the whole damn place is burned down. Literature seems to be on the brink of extinction, and the firemen have been ordered to start fires rather than put them out. Works of literature are illegal possessions: printed books, magazines, newspapers, any of those sorts. Uniquely, houses don't get burned; fire-proof you see! Interesting fact, paper catch fire and burns at 451 Fahrenheit, hence the name!

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Sugar, yes please!

'Can I have a coffee please?' I asked a wait staff at Gloria Jeans after a couple of months of living in Australia for the first time. 'What would you like to have?' he asked back. 'Ummm coffee??' 'Yes darling which one?' Okay, now I was annoyed. 'Which coffee? and now DARLING!' Looking at my facial expressions, he explained the variety of caffeine I could have. I had several options such as cappuccino, mocha, latte, salted caramel, piccolo, flat white and the list go on. "Oh wow, he is polite and has a soft voice." 'I would like a latte, please.' Then came again, 'Small, regular or grande or tall?' Okay, now I had it. Finally, after 10 minutes of rational thinking, I settled for a small latte.' Phew, what an effortful task to have a coffee!😅

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Sexy and Cheesy !!

You ever listen to a song that is posted on your friend's social network sites? I don't know about most of the people, but I do listen or click the link of news or YouTube songs that my friends share on their wall. I have this bad habit of, you know, clicking the links that are shared or posted or even any lyrics they write on their status. And I have been thankful so many times for their assistance in building up my music library.

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Give things up sometimes

"Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to."

                    - Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Unless you are dead or you live alone in woods, stop complaining about how much or how many times you have sacrificed for someone. It's only for the loved ones, you can do such act. No strangers or any other person in the street have that fortune to receive such goodness. Have you done anything for the beggar? Have you even spared a cent on them out of love or any other emotions? Well, I have not. Its only from deep down the heart, the humane act is possible. You do these for someone to see that little or wide curve on their faces, which we call contentment. At last, it would be well worth the effort to sacrifice, isn't it?

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You !!

Yes, I got a place to stand 
a place, that is your heart, 
the heart that holds enough 
enough and real enough
the strength to forgive my mistake, 
to tie up and hold my trust 
when it tries to wander off.

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5 stars: Tuesdays with Morrie

Tuesdays with Morrie, autobiographical non-fiction by Mitch Albom, is one among his various international bestseller novels. It topped the New York Times Non-fiction Bestsellers of 2000. The novel is divided into six chapters where the various aspects of life are described by a professor to his student during his last days and is definitely worth of time.

Morrie Schwartz could have been anyone, but the writer really felt that a teacher would do justice to the role. He quotes a saying by Henry Adams, "A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." Certainly, this book is about a teacher, long forgotten by one of his students, Mitch Albom himself, now an influential journalist as of today, and the relation that was too was forgotten as a matter of time.

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Wet Kisses !!

"Giving kisses, running, playing, stealing shoes and socks, exploring, laying beside my favorite human, greeting everyone with enthusiasm, wagging my tail. Boy, life can be exhausting !! And I love every minute of it !!"

                                                               - extracted from a dog's diary

Do you ever wish to have someone in your life who can cheer you up every time you feel low till the day they close their eyes? I know! That's your mates or your parents or your friend or your admirer. Nah !! I won't think they will survive to see your ups and downs and highs and lows. Think deep, think deeper !! They are your pets !! Yay !! What do you mean No? Sure and rightfully, they are there for you till their last. Go get a pet, especially a pup and see what life has to give away.

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Hubba Hubba !!

David Attenborough, my favorite English broadcaster, whose voice is surreal and whose documentary is worth watching, gave me an idea to think about the way people want their mates to be. Recently, I viewed the episode of Planet Earth which was about the various measures animals use to attract their partners. Say, for example, female Antelopes, Snow buffaloes, and others are most definitely lured by those males who can defend them, beat the rivals, are huge built, and rule the surrounding. I, sometimes, get fascinated by their choice you know. I mean, of all species, animals, they, the females, have made their best decision about themselves. They are the ruler. They choose their mate, the ladies. Therefore, I am quite enchanted, to be honest. And this has been the same way for centuries, no change at all.

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Optimism in me

I can see warm sunshine
Where others see wet sunset
I can see an opening heart
Where others see closed fist
I can see an honest person
Where others see bitter lips
I can see a powerful personality
Where other see a coward person
I can see beyond
Where people see the box
I can see hopes
Where others see failures
I can see loving eyes
Where others see cold words..       

Kids, the sweetest of all !!

Kids, they are the most gullible and naive of all people. Be it of animals or humans or birds; they have the charm that adults miss or what they long for, nevertheless they cannot help to acquire anymore. Curiously though, have you witness the sharpness of their minds, the activeness of brain and the promptness in actions, or how they can even emancipate their little thoughts? You could think that they are still learning, yet have you really thought about their perspective or their ways of perception.

We, me and my husband, were once traveling in train through to city when we saw a man with his two adorable kids, boys to say precisely. Elder one could be of 4 years while the younger one of age 2 approximately. Their father, possibly of 40, was constantly trying to wage their behavior in the train as the motion was quite jerky. But to their nature and age, they should have been free-spirited. To my dismay, they were the opposite unlike other brats of their age in the train compartment, where we could hear the screaming and shrieking and their mummies trying to get hold of them. These two seemed rather disciplined and were totally occupied with the scenery outside the window. They wanted to get the most of those around them that they hardly made any nuisance.

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Try some NEW !!

Oftentimes I think I am not me, not in the way the society wants me. I would never want to settle in the boundary that has been there to encircle the free minds and the optimum one can see and is destined for. Perhaps, it is the longing desire to be accepted as one's acquaintance, beloved, or the offspring which is the root cause of me being in this fashion. Why wouldn't I behave differently?

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